do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Randomize
