I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
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