She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
