So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Egg rolls and cum. Not my worst snack.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
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