i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
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