also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
It's like God shit irony all over that family
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
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