I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
