Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
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