i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
im using old socks as coasters. im going to make a great housewife.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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