It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
