Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
