You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
