There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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