My friend is getting herself a tramp stamp that says "property of the half blood prince".
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
