I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
THERE ARE SO MANY GREAT DICKS IN THE WORLD. HOW DID I NOT DISCOVER THIS SOONER!?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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