Well apparently he's into motor boating.
Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Randomize
