Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
