I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I get hit on by the prison guards every time i go to see him. Seriously.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
He got mad at you last time bc you tried to rap battle him via text. This is strictly business.
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