So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
