I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
i just sent this text using only my big toe
How did people poop without Blackberrys?
Motorola Razers?
Stone age, man.
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
