fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Randomize
