It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
My goal is to not catch on fire... But if i have to dance im going to dance regardless of the danger
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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