1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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