omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
