I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
