I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Randomize
