oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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