He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
