Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Randomize
