both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
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