I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
