great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Scratch that. Good bye liver, good bye clothes, good bye dignity. Hello awesome weekend
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Randomize