Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
You passed out in my backseat like a legitimate infant. A really drunk, really horny infant
Randomize
