Whenever he makes me dinner its always mini things.. cheeseburgers, corndogs.. is he preparing me for something?
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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