It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
We're doing a case race on Saturday.
I'm in. I'm currently drinking a beer in the bathtub so I guess I can consider this "practice" and not just "alcoholism"
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
Randomize
