when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize
