getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Teacher vividly described one of the times he did shrooms, sat down, sighed, and told everyone to go do drugs and let us out 15 minutes into class. I love community colleges
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
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