Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
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