I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
