There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
He put used condom on the handle of the plunger in the bathroom.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Randomize
