the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
