I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
I think weed is turning my hair brown
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
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