I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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