They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
