I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
But I'll just tell people it was a bar fight... Sounds a lot better than "well I was drunk and alone and eating Special K naked in my bed"
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
