Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I managed to convince my mom that my hickey was a birth mark I have always had. She cried for an hour about being a terrible mother for never noticing it.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
