She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
