Who did Billy Mays play for?
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
WHY DID YOU INVITE ALEX?!?
Because she offered to bring a keg.
And also because you fucked her in an alley last week and I'm trying to be a good friend.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
