i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
