Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
Randomize
