why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
