worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Randomize
