Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
its like playing clue every morning after we party. she did him in the kitchen with..oh god.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
