I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Randomize
